Wednesday, August 05, 2009

COFFEE or BOOZE

"Hiiii, Happy Friendship Day, Kaisa hai tu? Kahaan hai? Kya kar raha hai? Kaisa raha tera din? Kya Kya Kiya aaj? Enjoy kiya na."

As always, she badgered him with innumerable questions before he could answer to even one and since he knew her so well, he made a mental note of all the questions she had asked 'coz he would not want her to repeat them again and add extra few to them so that the list of the no. of queries increased to a very large no.

"Ho gaya poochna. Now, may I speak?"

"…. Haan. Now you may speak," she said after a small pause, with that ever present giggle in her voice.

"First of all, wish you too a very happy friendship day. And tere sawalon ke jawaab kuchh aise hain----

Kaisa hoon ------ Pata Nahin

Kahaan hoon ------ Right now in a bar

Kya kar raha hoon ------ Getting myself drunk (as if I am not already… he thought)

Kaisa raha din ------ Very bad and most of all nashe mein

Kya Kiya ------ Had my 5th breakup with Sonia...

"Wait, wait, wait. Did you say 5th or 3rd and did you mention the name Sonia?"

Two more questions.

"Yes."

"I think you are not in your senses. Abhi 15 din pehle hi na tere se baat hui thi. You were going out with, let me remember, yes…Radhika. What happened to her? And who is this Sonia?"

Two more. The list was getting long.

"Oh… tu bhi samajhti hai main peene ke baad hosh mein nahi rahta. Aisa nahi hai. I am in my senses. And how come you don't even know about Sneha."

"Now, who is Sneha?"

The questions just did not seem to end.

"Well, she was, rather is Radhika's sister."

"What has she got to do with you and Radhika or Sonia or whoever it is? Aah! You've got me all confused. Please, will you try doing some explaining?"

"Okay, let me start from Radhika. Yes, we were going out 15 days ago. Yes, I liked her and thought that finally I was 3rd time lucky. She even invited me to her house where she lived with her younger sister Sneha. That's when it all went wrong. I don't know what happened but after that day, she thought that I was giving too much attention to her sister and started doubting me and even my feelings. That hurt me really bad and one day we had a big fight over it. In anger, I said what she had wanted to hear. That was it. It lasted for 10 full days. I was 3rd time unlucky.

"I'd rather say you were lucky to get rid of her so soon. If she never believed you or trusted you, it was very nice that you got out of that relationship before it became stronger emotionally. Well, now I know about Sneha. But who was the 4th? You still haven't completed the story."

"Only if you allow me to speak without interrupting. And I don't think you have known all that I had to tell you about Sneha."

"Really... then tell me."

"Well, Sneha was the 4th."

"Are you out of your senses? What are you saying?"

"First let me complete what I have to say. Then you are also free to decide what I am. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Where was I? Yes, let me tell you what happened after that last phone call to Radhika. She told everything to Sneha. She came to me that evening and asked whether I was serious about what I had said. I felt that this was yet another way that Radhika wanted me to feel humiliated and so I took an aggressive step and told her that whatever you heard was true but now I don't want to have anything to do with either of you in my life. What she said after that cleared all the confusion around.

"Oh! Please don't talk like that. I am sorry on behalf of my sister. She doesn't know what she is losing. Can we talk for a moment?"

"The whole story unfolded then. It was actually Sneha that had started having a liking for me which eventually Radhika realized and that irritated her. And when I asked her about Sneha, all her fears and anger would then turn into distrust and a feeling that I was not as loyal as she had wanted me to. So, she confronted me and in anger I told her exactly what she expected to hear. Although that ended, it opened a new door for me. They say that when one door closes, god opens another one for you. I realized (again, for the 4th time) that Sneha was just the one I was waiting for. Mujhko usmein Rab dikhai diya or di(excuse me!! But I can't call god a male whom no one has seen and invite the wrath of the Women's Rights Activists on my small blog… After all, they are equal in every possible way, so why should we discriminate them even in heavenly or more appropriately godly matters). Fast forward… six days later, Sneha tells me that she feels that I still love Radhika and haven't been able to get over her. And I so politely accept what the god said to me. So in 16 days, girl no.1 leaves me due to girl no.2 and girl no. 2 leaves me because of girl no.1. And I am left with nothing."

"Okay, that was all about the sisters. Now what is this with …ummm…. "

"Sonia?"

"Right, Sonia. What's the scene with Sonia?"

I had stopped maintaining the count by now, both of interruptions and questions.

"I broke yet another record this time. This lasted even lesser time. Just a couple of hours. We met on a plane while travelling, we talked. It was all like love at first sight. And then I told her about my horrible experiences during the past 20 days or so. She, who was a few moments saying that she was really happy to fall in love with a person like me said that it was even disgusting to be sitting beside me. She said that I wasn't sensitive and emotionless. Am I insensitive? Tell me."

"No, you are not. As far as I know, which is a lot, you are a very sensitive guy."

"See, you know that, I know that, my dog knows that, my neighbour knows that. That day, when I was singing those heart touching songs of Jagjit Singh, he didn't ask me to be quiet. Just dropped off the bill of the earplugs he had bought. Even my room mate knows that. That day, he brought me a bundle of tissue paper. So caring. But why the hell did he ask me to put it in the toilet?"

" 'coz it was the toilet paper."

"It was a toilet paper. Shit."

"Yeah. It's used for that purpose."

"I'm sorry for that. I think I'm too drunk. I'll talk to you later."

"Will you be fine? Want to meet over a cup of coffee and talk more?"

"No, its okay. I'll be fine. I can take care of myself. Thanks for calling. Bye and happy friendship day."

"Bye. Take Care."



Now imagine this conversation between two guys.

"Hey !@!@!#@#@#@# , wassup? Kya kar raha hai?"

"Pee raha hoon"

"!!@@##@##@## Akele akele. Kis khushi mein?"

"Abbey gham bhi to ho sakta hai. Waise Sonia se breakup ho gaya."

"Ab ye kaun hai. Leave that. Ye bata tu happy hai ya sad."

Now if the reply is happy ------ "Kahan hai bata! Milte hain. Saath mein celebrate karenge."

And if the reply is sad ------- "Kahan hai bata! Zara tere gham mein main bhi shareeq ho jaoon. Aakhir dost hote kisliye hain."



So, that's how it is. And by the way, coffee lessens the effect of alcohol.

9 comments:

Arjun said...

hahaha... enjoyed the read thoroughly.....

Tats true with guys.. ;)

So when will u get unlucky for the 6th time?? in other words.. When's the next party ?? ;)

Cheers..!!
Arjun

suvra said...

wat am supposed 2 make out of dat whole coversation comparision....?
should i take it personally n' analyze all t past chats n' take some lessons..or continue being n' li'l more than interfering bt caring....?
well,Guys...they just don't sometimes understnd n' a lot of times hardly appreciate wat they've.
i wish i cud comment more on dat..bt moving on to t blog...am,as usual,impressed...(no surprises out dere)...a very good n' commendable effort at humour.....i'm gonna b very careful from here on.n' am very very happy 2 c u back on blogging circuit(thgh am still dormant)...
just continue writing...watevr u wish 2 write(variety is t spice of life.)
Happy Writing..
Subhra

P.S:i was supposed 2 comment first.(:X)..argggghhhhhhhhhhhh

Saket said...

@arjun - Thanks for the comments but its fiction yaar. 5th is too far, i am still looking for the 1st. and also i do not drink.

@subhra - I will repeat what I have said. It's fiction. don't take it seriously. just be what u have always been. i don't know abt other guys but i do appreciate what i have in my life, the senti part of me is very active. Well, if this took you by surprise then wait for my next one. it is even more real(in the real sense).....

Nick said...

Superb,as usual.Funny too..Glad to see that u havent lost the charm..

Saket said...

Thanks nikhil. charm is never lost, just gets rusted when not put to use.

Dead_Man said...

good one man!! awesome,in fact :)
maza aa gaya padh ke....keep going. the dissection of questions n answers was pretty good :D

Saket said...

@dead man -- thanks a lot yaar. every appreciation that i get means a lot to me.

Asit Dhal said...

lolzzz....enjoyed every line...

girls are always disgusting.....

Saket said...

@Asit -- It's nice that you liked but I don't agree that girls are disgusting. Hate this kind of gender bias.