Sunday, November 30, 2008


A shadow over my head grew in size engulfing me in that darkness...
Like bonds that held my hands tied and kept my feet frozen...
It was the shadow of hopelessness, eclipsing my bright faith in myself...
It was the shadow of grief, plaguing my world of happiness...
And somewhere deep within I was shouting, to remove the bondages and be set free...
In a vain effort i tried hiding it from all, and in all this confusion, they saw a different me...
They saw a selfish, hungry man; not the one they could trust...
They saw an ambition, a fire of desire, an ever burning lust...

I realized it was my failure, a risk I shouldn't have taken...
When the chances were more of failure, thinking about them everyone was shaken...

However, I could not have just let it go, whether you judge me today right or wrong...
But do tell me where were you that day when I was left all so alone...
When no one supported me, held my hand or even spoke a friendly tone...
When I was crying instead of celebrating...
When she left us all for her last journey even before she could see her child breathing...

All you did was think and talk, but no one dared to make a move...
While in that incubator, she lied quietly, waiting for her mother's love...
Waiting for her to take her away from those tubes, wires and pipes...
The God had played a cruel game with my darling's life...
Her heart had betrayed her  just like her mother...
She needed help or else she would face that pain forever...

What else could I have done, you tell me?
What was my fault, how would you punish me?
When I have given the biggest punishment to myself...
When Gods have conspired against me and my life...
Who can punish me more, who has a bigger might...
What else can you take away from me, now that I have lost everything...
My hopes, my desires and my life, cut away by a blade...
From me, on my very operation bed...
Lying cold and silent... DEAD..........

This always gives me cold shivers whenever I read this. Tell me whether u liked my attempt or not.....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

5 Days To Go.......

Time Flies............ That's all I will say. It was just some time back that I had started preparation for CAT. I have till date not been able to remember the full form of it.

Is it a) Common Admission Test    b) Common Aptitude Test       c) Combined Admission Test      d) Combined Aptitude Test         e) None of these

And just like all the tests where I have started perspiring after seeing the question paper, I feel the same about it. The fact is I am very nervous and do not know what else to write.

16th November --- Waiting for It.......................

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A Class Apart......

*#All the names have been changed or omitted to hide the identification of the real person. Also to keep me safe from their anger and wrath if they ever came to know that I wrote something like this about them......

This special edition of my blog is dedicated to a very distinguishable species; they appear to be like homo sapiens (that's humans and not something that you are thinking.... now don't shake your head and say that you weren't .... after all every wicked and crooked mind like urs on earth has unidirectional thoughts as the word homo comes up). Where was I? Ya...a special specie or you can say a very special group of people amongst us all. In our famous language that we use for interaction amongst friends, we call them phenkoo a.k.a bangoo. In english, you call them braggers.....

Phenkoo isi wajah se kaha jata hai kyunki wo bahut lambi lambi chhodte(no pun intended again) or phenkte hain. Mujhe yaad hai jab bhi aise kisi bande se hamara samna hota tha, we friends used to do this patang wala trick.When asked kya kar rahe ho, jawab hota -- Wo phenk raha hai, hum lapet rahe hain. I still do that and enjoy doing that too. The etymology of the word bangoo has not yet been found by me. I guess we use it 'coz it has been passed on to us as a legacy through several generations and many batches of our seniors at schools and colleges..... aur jaise sabko pata hai ...... Jo bada hai wo sahi hai, so no questions(but why does everyone listen to my brother in a fight-- yeah it is a fight-- is a question unanswered)

There are so many jokes about these people..... One was like this:
"Three boys were talking about their fathers using minimum no. of utensils while having tea.
First boy: My father never uses a spoon to add sugar to his tea. He stirs it with his hands.
Second boy: My father does not even use a cup and saucer. He drinks it straight from the teapot.
Third boy:My father does not even use teapot. He takes in milk,water,tea and sugar and then sits on the stove" Ouch.......

Imagine yourself sitting on a stove... Go on... sochne se koi physical damage ya dard nahi hoga :) .... well, these people can probably make you sit anywhere and do anything....they can make a man who's changing and in his undies become a superman(think about yourself as one....u will feel good) and they can call a man wearing a black hood The Dark Knight(personal experience). That's the case, they have to speak and speak rubbish about everything(even if they don't know anything about it). They want to get involved in the discussions and after they enter the discussions, u think -- what the f is he blabbering though I must confess I have a hearty laugh every time I think of those.

There have been one too many of such incidents in my life. I mean, I can practically recall so many that even the mere mention of each one of them can make this blog pretty big, so I will refrain and pick up some good ones for you(samudra se moti dhoondhna padega)

One of my relatives has this habit too. A bit politically inclined, one day he told this(I may not be able to recall everything but I will give you the details as much as is needed)--

"Us din hum phone laga rahe the dilli to achanake jante hain phone Rashtrapati Bhavan lag gaya....Hum bole- hello kaun bol raha hai to udhar se jaante hain kya bolta hai. Hum Mahamahim rashtrapati Kalam bol rahe hain(when did kalam learn to speak hindi and that too in that accent....anyways continue). Hum bataye hum _____ ______(name) bol rahe hain to wo humse poochte hain ki wahan ka haal chaal kaisa hai....(as if aap unke langotiya yaar ho......endless nonsense after that which can be omitted to shorten the blog)......aakhir mein wo bole aur kabhi kaam pade to phone kar lena."

That was it. Even today my brother and I have not stopped thinking of a plan to get the phone no. of Mr. Kalaam from him. (Though haven't found the courage to ask for it) Pata nahi humein bhi kabhi jaroorat pad jaaye :)

There was this person in my locality who had this habit too, a bit differnt though I must confess. He had a small printing press, used to publish a small newspaper too which I guess could have made an entry into the Guinness for the least circulation(I am sorry but I can't help for being such an @**#O** and spilling out such things). But when he used to walk, he would consider himself probably the owner of The Times.
Unki chand aadaton mein ek ye thi -- Jaise kisi se jhagda hua to wo bolte the -- "Chhap doonga(I'll print ur name with ur deeds in my newspaper and then everyone shall come to know)"
And I used to think...... ye kya mazaak hai. Kitne log padhenge jo badnami hogi. The real funny part about these was when the other guy wud get angry and say -- "Himmat hai to chhap kar dikhao" Arrey uncle, gussa kyun ho rahe ho. chhapne do. Kya fark padne wala hai. Kisko maloom chalega(Why can't the elders be as sensible as we are? Probably that's why shakespeare wrote...... Child is the father of man...or was it Wordsworth?)

There are lots more to tell.Probably I'll tell you more about them in another blog. Philhaal, BMW aur Lamborghini ke Patna mein showroom kholne se lekar Anand Bakshi ke hamare rishtedaar hone tak(aisa hota to sare Khan bhi ek doosre ke bhai hote), duniya in logo se bhari padi hai. Ye hamara manoranjan karte hain kyunki hum doosron ko bewakoof bante dekh bahut hi khush hote hain.

So, in the end I'll just say or rather quote Raj Kapoor from Mera naam joker -- kal khel mein hum ho na ho, ye geet koi duhrayega
The show must go on...... and yes, the show goes on and we enjoy for free(without paying anything for a ticket)


Friday, October 17, 2008

Death before life......

With fire in the eyes,
And vengeance on his mind,
He put the bullets through her head.

As she fell on the floor, that smile came back.

The blood from her body smeared all the papers
That flew out from her hands.
"Must be another of those letters that she hides from me," he thought.
And he picked them up only to realize,
That along with her, a part of himself died in her womb,
A flower plucked before it could bloom......


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Candle Burning Bright..

I was watching this advertisement of Tata Tea titled "Jaago Re" where they emphasise on the fact that how every vote is important for the country as it helps us find the right government for us and if you are not voting, then you are sleeping. When I saw that, I remembered the candle march scene from the movie Rang De Basanti which actually inspired a real life scene, the silent protest that public showed towards the verdict meted out in the Jessica Lal case, their own way of demonstrating refusal to accept it. It showed that the Indians had understood the truth and wanted justice for the wrong that had been done. That was an awakening and definitely people had risen from sleep to fight for their rights 'coz in Jessica, they found themselves who could just be next for such Manu Sharmas. This is a tribute to them, the awakened people of India.

The candles extinguished finally, but the fire would continue to burn
This was their promise to the girl, a mute spectator, watching from heavens
In the hearts of of those who were there, witness and part of a silent revolution
But more than that, this was a vow taken by everyone to realize the freedom that was their,
And not just seek justice for one, which had been denied
But to make them believe that a change was in the air
That revolution need not be started by swords or guns,
Rather the simple weapon--A candle burning bright.............

S. R.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

See you when I see you.....

This is a line which has been used in Ocean's Series movies. It is perfect to use when you know that you are about to leave and will be returning soon. So, as I take a break for a month as I am leaving now for my home, I'll say this again---to you who reads my blog, to everyone who does not read my blog,to those who'll be missing me, to them who will not be missing me and to my blog too. See you when I see you.

S. R.

Monday, September 15, 2008

A Tragic Love Story-5

This is the last part of the story. Please give me your reviews 'coz they do matter a lot. Actually thats what keeps me going. So if you liked it, please appreciate it. And if you did not like it, please give your frank opinion. But do give your comments............................

This was the day when he had returned to find the entire city changed. Not many faces was he able to recognize but he didn’t care. He was worried about not being able to find the one face he had come searching for. He then went to her house but found it locked. Still wanting to find out where she was, he asked her neighbors who recognized him too. They told him that she had been married off to some rich guy and lived in another city. They didn't know anything else.

He was disappointed but he didn’t lose heart. He wanted his only friend back in his life. He wanted to ask her for forgiveness. He wanted to talk to her. Now that she was married, she can probably forget the past and just accept him as a friend. Thinking about all of this, he went to meet a very close friend of hers who, he thought, might know her address.

He knocked at the door. She herself opened the door and was surprised to see him.

“William, is that you? Where have you been”

“Yeah!!! It’s me, but if you could just excuse me, we can have the introduction and all the stories later. Can you tell me where Em is living now with her husband?”


“Yes, she was married. Don’t you know?”

“Of course I know but how did you get to know that? She asked us to never tell you about that.”

“Please Rose; I don’t have time for all these stories. Can you just give me her address. I just want to meet her this last time.”

“But she wanted that I should never tell you.”

“Please; for once, do this favor. I will be grateful to you for my entire life.”

“William, I am sorry but ......”

“Please Rose,” he was almost begging. “Please..... I need to see her, meet her, talk to her. I will never be able to live happily if she does not forgive me. Let me see her once and I promise, I won’t disturb any of you ever again. I haven't been in peace for the past three years. Have mercy on me. Just once, please.....” and he stood there; so helpless, so weak.

She turned her face away. Actually she was crying. Then she said, “Emily was never angry at you William, so there’s no point of asking for her forgiveness.”

“Then what was that letter for...,” he said with a surprise.

“Wait for a moment,” she said and went to her room.

“Here, I hope you will find all your answers. Sorry Emily, but I have to do this,” and she handed him an envelope, sealed.

He tore it open and found yet another letter addressed to him.

Dearest William,

If you ever happen to read this, then I will probably assume that Roz wasn't as strong as I had imagined her to be. Though I have shown my weakness too by writing this letter but what else can I do. After you have read this, I want you to be strong and if possible, forgive me for all my faults, for being angry at you, for hiding everything from you and for making you feel humiliated and sad at times. And believe me love, all those days I had cried much more than any other time. To see you in pain was so hard for me but I had to do it. And I will tell you why.

By the time you read this letter, I am sure that I would be no more alive. Yes darling, I have cancer and I am dying (probably dead by now) but I did not want to tell you about that. I did not want you to lose someone you love. From your life, the one thing that I have come to know is that you really care about things that you like but at the same time, you don’t care about those whom you hate. So, I changed my behavior so that you started hating me and then my death would not have made any effect on you. Though I was not sure that you would fall in the trap or even believe all those fake incidents but to my relief, you believed them or was it that you still had doubts about the genuineness of all that was going on. I still like believing that you just did all that because I asked you to do so and you never believed one word that was written in that letter.

You would probably remember Roger. He was not my friend or boyfriend. He was my doctor who was trying desperately to give me few more days of my own life. He helped me all through the period when I was trying to act so rudely to you. Everyday he would see me cry and then come up and say –“If you want him happy, you have to do this. You have to be brave. You must be happy because the more you are happy, the more will the medicines work to good effect and the more days will you be able to see him.”

The chance to see you for few more days was reason enough for my life. Even after the day that you never talked to me, I used to watch you. I could feel the anger, the disappointment you had but never saw any hatred for me. At times, I thought of telling you everything but then stopped myself thinking that probably I am going to live for just a few days more, why should I ruin your life. You know, when I came to know about your job, I was so happy that I wanted to dance. That I did which made me so weak that I wasn’t able to get up from my bed for a week. Probably you didn’t notice my absence but I am absolutely fine with it. That was what I wanted.

I remember you came to wish me on my birthday. I was down with one of those fevers that I used to have very frequently and was looking very pale. I wasn’t even able to walk on that day. Had you seen me that day, you would have probably found out about my disease. So, my parents behaved so rudely that day. I wanted to see you, to meet you, to talk to you but was so helpless.

You must be thinking that why am I telling all this to you now. You must be thinking that if I didn’t have this much trust on you at that time, why am I trying to tell all of it to you now. But believe me Will; I never wanted to hide anything from you. You meant everything to me. You were my world. You were my life and seeing this life drift away from me; rather forcing my life to leave me was much more painful than the disease. I want you to know that that I could have never hated you or disliked anything you did. I had loved you when I didn’t know you well, I loved you more when I came to know you, I still love you when you are not here with me and I will love you till my last breath. That is what I want you to know. I will hope that you lead a wonderful life and achieve everything you ever wanted. Don’t forget me even if I am gone. Good bye Love.


He had read it for thousands of times but wasn’t still able to believe that she was gone. Tears were continuously flowing down his eyes. He had known everything only when he didn’t want to know it. He had found his love only after he had lost her forever. He sat there watching the sunset. The sun of his life had set and the darkness that it had filled in his life would never be removed ever.

The End..............But does love end after life or after a breakoff... Thats a question I throw to you. Please be honest while replying.... Waiting for your replies.......

Friday, September 12, 2008

A Tragic Love Story-4

Things had changed. The biggest change was that Emily had started seeing some other guy. One day William went to meet her at her house and found her sitting with this guy. He was shocked. Emily introduced him as Roger, her schoolmate who had come to the city to meet her. She told him that they were very close friends. He often accompanied her to the college too. Will did not like it, which was pretty obvious but never complained. He was waiting for her birthday which was just around the corner to ask for forgiveness and convey his true feelings to her.

It was her birthday that day. He waited for her at the college but she didn’t come. He waited at the college gate for hours and then checked in the classroom, then the coffee parlor. Nowhere could she be found. Finally, he decided to go to her house. He knocked at the door. After a long time, Emily’s parents came to the door . He could also see Roger standing in the drawing room but there was no sign of Emily.

“Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Wright.”

“Good evening, William. What are you doing here at this time?” Emily’s father said.

“Well, I came to meet Emily. It’s her birthday and I kept waiting for her in the college but she didn’t turn up. So, I came here.....”

“You are right. It’s her birthday. And do you know why she didn’t go to college today.”


“You are the reason. She didn’t go to the college today because she didn’t want to meet you today. She said it would spoil her day. So, you see, one thing that is clear from this is that she does not want to see you again. Moreover, Roger was there today with her all day. They seem to be very happy with each other. I think she likes him and he is very good to her too. So, I would request you to stop disturbing my daughter and leave her alone.”

William stood there like stone. It was as if he had heard his death sentence and just could not believe that. The jury had read the sentence. However, the most important thing was that he wasn’t told his crime for which he had been punished.

“But sir, can I just meet her once?”

“No,” and the door was slammed right in his face. He stood there for a while and then came back to his house.

After a few days, as he was sitting in the class, Emily came up to him. She threw a letter on his desk and said, “Please read this and do as I have asked you to.”

As if her parents had not said enough, the letter completed the job. It read:

Mr. William,

I don’t know what you are thinking or what you are doing but I don’t like it. I remember, you once told me that you didn’t like anyone interfering in your life but why don’t you have the same principle for others. Why do you keep disturbing and disrupting my life? Maybe you are not happy to see me happy. You never loved me and now that I’ve found love, you won’t allow that love to come in my life. How can you be so selfish?

Yes, you’re selfish. You use people till they are of any use and then you discard them like old clothes. You abuse your mother, the one who adopted you and made you capable enough to be what you are today. You didn’t even attend her funeral. How cruel and selfish. You abuse your biological parents. Don’t you know that you would not have even been on the earth if they had not wanted you to come? You talk to everyone but say that no one is your true friend. You don’t even respect your friends who are there with you and for you.

And most importantly, you have never respected me. You almost assumed that I would always be there for you and so you neglected me. How I hate to see myself so helpless when I was with you. You dominated every moment we were together, never thought about me. And now I have had enough of it. Enough of waiting, enough of listening to your useless talks. I hate it now and I hate you too because you have made me feel so low.

This is the last request that I’m making to you. Please don’t ever try to talk to me or even come near me. I have forgotten everything and want you to forget everything, too. I could have told this to you but I don’t even want to talk to you, leave aside accepting your wishes. You are a dark spot which I am trying to erase and I will certainly do that. Bye.


Had he been alone at that time, he would have definitely cried. The only person that he cared for did not care about him any more. He was crestfallen. The whole day he thought of what was written in that letter. He had never felt that bad in his entire life. He read it again and again, and every time he read it, his determination became stronger. He would not talk to her, show that even he hated her. Though it would be difficult but at least that would make her happy. That was all he wanted.

After that, he never talked to her; rather, he never even looked at her. They both graduated. William got a good job in some other city. He left the city as soon as it was possible and never came back for a long time. He wanted to forget everything but it was impossible for him to do so. So, after three years when he thought that she would have probably settled in her new life and might have forgotten him, he came back to the city to meet her.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


I know you would have heard it from someone else too or you might yourself have felt so but I am saying those words again just for the sake of not being the one left out. Yes, I am overwhelmed. I just completed watching The Dark Knight and if you do not know what it is, I must say you do not deserve to visit my blog ever again and you deserve to be beaten by The Joker himself.

I loved it and it has been the best movie till date(That's my opinion and I don't like arguments) made by anyone. Hats off to Christopher Nolan, Christian Bale and obviously the most brilliant of them all, Heath Ledger(may he RIP).

My experiences as the movie went on(Spoiler Warning!!!! Please don't read further if you haven't watched the movie. Just sign out and the first thing you do is watch it. And if you have, go ahead, read it and tell me whether you agree with me or not)--

The Bank Robbery--I clap but the sound does not disturb any of my room mates who are busy in their dreamland, maybe with some fairy or whoever I don't know.......

The Parley-- The Magic Trick...."I'm gonna make this pencil disappear" am slowly getting impressed with the Joker

Why so serious-- and I'm thinking--Why so serious....The fun has just started....Let's put a smile on that face

The scene where Batman brings Lau from HongKong-- Amazing action....I think someone has made a right delivery by dropping this movie on my HDD

The Joker's warning-- "I am a man of my word"..... I bet you are

The Press Conference-- The violence has become too much now and Gotham is no more wanting the Batman.....So he decides to turn himself in.....only to see that Harvey Dent's belief in him is too much and he does a spectacular move by proclaiming he is the one...... all my belief in good working government officials which had faded seems to come back....

The Chase Sequence-- A long one but keeps you hooked till the very end......What a bike? Where does he get them from(Yeah I know!!!)

The Jail Sequence-- Now has the movie really started to take itself to a higher level and I have started worshipping The Joker(oh!!! i love the smile)..... "You'll have to choose"---yeah i made the right choice when i started watching this movie(did i have any other option....i'll think about that later). by the end, Rachel is dead and I am sensing better times coming up....

The Scrooge McD sequence--Yeah I know there wasn't anything humorous but the scene where The Joker slides down the pile of money reminded me of Mcduck swimming in his pool of money......and then he burns it all.... "It's not about money, it's about sending a message, Everything Burns"..... I guess you got the message

The Demolition of Gotham general hospital--The Joker is as good as he can be.....blowing up the hospital and then acting like nothing had happened..............Boom... but I can't leave my seat.....

The Climax--- What is that which never dies in a human being?? The human spirit,the compassion for others, the values instilled in them, the faith that we have in others, the burning feeling of always being the right person(those who do not feel the same aren't human according to me)...The way the fat scumbag(as they said) threw the detonator into the water was one of the best scenes of the movie....."We're still here, that means they haven't killed us either"

The movie ended soon and I was left waiting for something more...... The movie was over and yet it was playing itself over and over again in my mind......I was content, got a feeling of satisfaction that I got after watching movies like The Shawshank Redemption or V for Vendetta. This certainly was a movie that belonged to that league--in fact at a certain level above them.

The Joker's laugh's still ringin in my head(The best was when he was falling from the building)...... The Joker was as incorruptible as the Batman but as they say that it is the good that wins always and evil that faces defeat........................................

Lastly, my favorite line from the movie to sum it all up---Either you die a hero or you live long enough to become a villain..............but whatever you do, become it Dent, the white knight; Batman,the dark knight or The Joker

And the end of the movie, I have woken up my roommates by the noise I am making(maa kassammmm and kossso coming too frequently........)

My Rating - 11/10(extra 1 for Heath Ledger---man he deserves an Oscar....just give it to him)

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

A Tragic Love Story-3

She always knew there was much more to everything that she saw. Something else was there which he was hiding from her. He always used to tell that he wasn’t able to get proper sleep. His eyes were often red. Initially, she thought that it was because he missed his parents and needed some emotional comfort. She was soon to find that she was wrong. In fact, the situation was much more complex and needed much more attention.

William was a drug addict. He used to have drugs ever since he was a small child. Firstly, he did that to forget all the physical and mental pain that he had. He used to steal money from his house and bought drugs from someone in his locality. The consumption of drugs made him senseless and he enjoyed that, when he had no thoughts of who he was and why he was living such a dreadful life. However, his mother (the one who adopted him), if one likes to call her a mother, came to know about that. And that was the most horrific hour of his life. She beat him with whatever she found in the house. He was then sent to a drugs rehabilitation centre but he never changed. Even after coming back from the rehab, he continued taking drugs, so secretly that no one else came to know about it.

Emily had accidentally found the letter from the rehab centre and came to know about his problems. She got very worried and wanted to help him but wasn’t able to think of a way to make him stop doing that. After much thinking, she decided to talk about it to him.

“You never told me what you were doing that night in the college?” she asked one day. She knew that he went to some place near their college to get his drugs.

“Which night?”

“How many nights do you spend in the college? Obviously I am asking about that night when I got locked in the room.”

“Oh! That night. Nothing in particular. I often go to the college at night.”

“And why is that?”

“To see if there is any beautiful girl who has got locked in the classroom and needs my help.”

“And how many girls have you helped?”

“Don’t remember. Actually I am pretty poor at remembering people, whom I meet, especially girls.”

“And which of your girlfriends gave you this love-letter?” she asked him showing the letter from the rehab centre.

“Where did you get that from? Give it back to me,” he shouted. “Are you spying on me because if you are, let me tell you frankly that I don’t like too much intervention from anyone in my life.”

“Why not? Well.. yeah!! Obviously it’s your life and you have every right to play with it. But let me tell you one thing very clearly. If you think that there is just one life that you are ruining, then you are wrong.”

There was a moment of silence. But a lot was said in that silence.

“Do you really think that my parents could be alive today? Will they be thinking of me as I often do?”

He had said what he thought he would never tell. He never understood why that day he had opened his heart before her and told her all the things that he had hidden from everyone else and even feared to talk about that to himself.

She kept sitting there, quietly listening to him without saying one word. She knew that this was the man that she would always be in love with. A tear drop fell from her eye and she cleverly wiped it before he could see it.

“Please help me, Em! I don’t want to have drugs but at nights, when I am alone, all these thoughts fill my mind and I am unable to find peace. Then I use drugs which makes me forget all this. I don’t want to have it but I am compelled to do so. Help me, please!”

“You have to leave it, Will. Be strong and that is the only way you will be able to come out of this trap. At least, give it a try, for my sake. That night you helped me, you saved me. Now you need to help yourself, save yourself from this evil and I know you can do it. Just remember that the weapon which you used to shield yourself from any danger is now hurting you and it is high-time you get rid of it. You know what, they say that where there’s a will, there’s a way. And I am sure this Will will find its way out of this problem.”

And she had been so true. Her belief, determination gave him the strength to get rid of the one thing that was making him weak, the one thing that was finishing him from within, very slowly though. She had won a major victory.

One day she asked him, “Do you love me?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know.”

He could understand from her face the disappointment that she was trying to hide but he kept quiet. He thought that it was not the right time to convey his feelings to her and hoped that she would understand.

However things began to change soon after. She behaved in a very different manner. Her behavior, if not rude, wasn’t like it used to be before. She wouldn’t talk to him nicely, tried to avoid him. One day when he asked her the reason for this sudden change of behavior, she replied, “I haven’t changed though I have found that I should start living for myself and not waste my time thinking about everyone around me because in the end, the heart will be broken and I will die before that happens.”

“But I didn’t break your heart.”

“You didn’t?” she gave that surprised look and then said, “Will, forget the past; forget me because it is of no use. I don’t know about you but when I think of you, I feel a little pain and I hurt myself every time by doing that. It’s better to take our own paths which do not intersect paths of neither of us,” saying this she went away, leaving him to think what wrong had he done or where did his fault lie.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

A Tragic Love Story-2

Next day, he saw her sitting alone in the classroom during recess. She was playing with her hair and seemed to be lost somewhere else. She looked so innocent and beautiful. He slowly came from behind and sat near her.
“Thinking about me?”
“Yes, I mean.....oh! It’s you. I am sorry." Then after a pause she said--"I mean I am very much grateful”
“Okay! Okay! Calm down. I am not a ghost or a horror figure! Don’t get nervous.”
“Hmmm.... Listen! I am really thankful for what you did yesterday but...”
“How ‘bout a cup of coffee with me. We’ll talk about all that and you can thank me any no. of times as you wish.”

He asked her suddenly before she could finish her sentence and she wasn’t able to say no to him.

There they sat in the coffee parlor. He was constantly looking at her trying to think of a reason why he asked her out and she sat opposite to him, looking at the empty cup and also thinking of a reason why he asked her for a cup of coffee.

“Why did you ask me out?” she finally asked.
“You know, that is exactly what I’ve been thinking too. But now that you’ve asked the same question, I guess neither of us has the answer to it. So we should better not think about all that, rather let’s forget who asked or why did he ask and concentrate more on this coffee,” he didn’t know what he was blabbering but he didn’t feel awkward or humiliated by that.

The waiter had put two hot cups of creamy coffee on the table.

“So, what were you doing last night in the classroom? Aren’t you afraid of being lonely because I know I can never stay alone? I must have someone always around me or I get really bored.....” And he went on and on while she kept listening.
“Why are you so silent?” he finally asked, “I don’t like silent people”
“Actually I can’t think of what to talk about.”
“Talk about anything. Like, you ask me – what’s your name? And I’ll say – My name is William. My friends call me Will. Then you may ask – Who’s in your family Will? And I’ll say – only me. Now don’t ask me why only me because you won’t get an answer for that. See, again I am talking. Okay, now I shall remain silent and give you a chance to speak.”
After much delay she finally spoke—
“Thank you, William, I mean Will for helping me yesterday.”
“There you go again. However you didn’t tell me what you were doing alone in that closed room.”

She then narrated to him all that happened that day, how she fell asleep and was locked inside and everything else.

“And luckily I was there to help you out of the problem.”
“Yes, but I would love to fall into such problems if you are the one who’ll come to my rescue,” she thought.
“Hey, what happened? Where did you get lost now?”
“Oh! Nothing, nothing at all.
Can I ask you something?” she said hesitantly after a small pause.
“Yes, go ahead.”
“You don’t think this is the last time we are meeting.”
“Why are you asking that? Are you again going to lock yourself up or what? Please tell me before hand 'coz I will also have to find time from my busy schedule to come and help this beautiful damsel in distress.”

“No, nothin' like that bt if we never meet again, I would like you to know that I’m very grateful for what you did yesterday. While I was sitting in that room, I thought I would probably die there and won’t be ever able to tell this. But probably God wanted that I should live and maybe I won’t get another chance. I hope you understand this......I love you.”

She said that so suddenly that he just could not understand what happened. He stood up and said — “I think we are getting late for class. Let’s go.”

She silently walked behind him and for the first time in that whole day, she saw the expression on his face turn serious. She was to know the reason for that later on, a secret that he kept to himself, a secret which had entirely dominated what he was today.

A smile came to his lips when he remembered what had happened that day. It was so sudden that he wasn’t able to comprehend it that time. Also the truth of what was said made it so pure and the feeling later was so serene that he just could not stop himself from meeting her again.

They met almost everyday after that day and spent a lot of time together. He liked her company, much more than any of his other friends. But he never considered her as the love of his life and never said anything on that. On the other hand, she was extremely happy with just spending time with him. She did not want anything more, at that time.

Now that she was so close to him, she came to know much about him, started understanding him more and more. He wasn’t the same person as she had considered him to be. Most of the times he was very cheerful, cracking jokes at her, making her laugh. At that time, she would see that glow on his face, making him look like an angel. But whenever they parted, she found that hollow expression on his face, as if he was about to lose everything he had. At those times, she would feel very sad but hid that under the mask of a smile, the most beautiful smile that he ever saw.

He would often come to her house and talk to her parents who also started liking him. Then they would go out on a walk. He would tell her about his likes and dislikes, how much he liked her parents and every time that he talked about them, she felt that there was a pain, a wound which had been kept hidden, not seen by any human eye and yet which was so clearly visible to her. A wound which was never healed but rather which became more painful with every passing day.

And finally she came to know the reason for it. One day as they were sitting in the coffee parlor, she asked him – “Where do you live? I would love to visit your house and meet your parents too.”
“I would say it’s a bad idea.”
“No, I would like to meet your parents. You never talk about them. How am I going to know them?”
“They are dead,” he said it plainly without any grief or pain or any of those feelings. He said it as if it was just another fact which held no importance in his life.
“Oh! I’m sorry, Will. I didn’t know that.”
“I don’t want you to know that. They have always been dead for me. Even if they are alive today in their physical form, still they will remain dead for me. And this is one request from my side. Please, don’t ever talk about them again.”
“Sorry....” but before she could finish, he had risen from his place and left.

She found out the truth from one of his friends. Will’s parents had abandoned him when he was a small child and he had no memories of his parents. He had been raised by an old widow who was very cruel and made him do all the household works. The one good thing that she did was sending him to school. He went to school but never made any true friend because he never believed in any of the human relationships. He talked to all and everyone talked to him. He was liked by everyone but he didn’t like anyone. Love, friendship and all other human emotions were immaterial to him. He lived for himself and only himself. After school, he applied to a college and was selected as he had kept good scores in school. When applying for college, he mentioned that his parents were dead and he was working himself to fund his studies. He was awarded a scholarship and he never returned back to the old widow, even when he got the news of her death. He worked in a pizza shop and earned enough to live happily, if happiness was living the life as he was living it.

She never mentioned the name of his parents again except once. And that was the last day that they talked to each other.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

A Tragic love Story-1

A small fictional story which I shall publish in 5 parts...... Read it

"There he stood in front of her house, just like he used to when he came to meet her. The only difference today was that no one opened the door and the usual smile which was so infectious, had disappeared. His eyes were red, partially due to lack of sleep in those last few days and partially because he was crying. Yes, he was crying. One who believed that strong men never cry, one who believed that there was nothing in the world that could make him sad, one whose charm and wit made everyone around him happy.

It was that smile and charm that she had fallen for. They both studied in the same college. He was in the same class as she was but they had hardly talked. The girl liked him from the very first day and he also knew about it. However, cupid had not yet interfered and their lives continued in the same way.

One day as he was about to leave for his home, a sweet voice attracted his attention.

“Excuse me, William. You forgot to take your copy.”

He turned around to look at the face of that girl. It was probably the first time he noticed how pretty she was. She was walking towards him in an elegant manner and looked like a fairy in that beautiful white dress.

“Oh! Thank you, Emily. It was really nice of.....”

.....and he looked at her face which had that peculiar expression which he wasn’t able to understand. Was it happiness or excitement or surprise, he didn’t get it.

“Are you alright? What happened?”

“You know my name...”

“Well, of course I do. You are in the same class as I am. What kind of a question is that?”

“He knows my name. He knows my name......” she muttered to herself in disbelief.

“Are you fine?”

“Yeah, I am. Actually I just remembered something. Sorry, I’ll have to rush. Bye.” And she ran away.

Weird. That was what he had thought that moment and had soon forgotten this brief encounter with the one who was about to change him completely.

Suddenly he felt he saw a ruffle of curtains. As if someone was watching him from the window. He ran to the door and started knocking which soon changed into banging the wood.
“Em, please open the door. Let me come in. I promise I won’t do it again. I love you. Please come back to me. Don’t leave me alone. Please, Please......”
But how would someone open the door when it has been locked from the outside.

That was the final day of submission of the reports. And she had been unable to finish the work. The teacher had been very strict and warned that he will not accept late submissions and will definitely fail those who do not meet the deadline. The classes were over and everyone had left but she was still there in the classroom. She was continuously scribbling on the papers, not even looking up. She had this fear of staying alone. How she drifted into sleep, she did not realize but when she woke up and looked at the watch, she jumped to her feet. It was night and she was still there in the classroom, all alone by herself. She collected her books and rushed towards the door. It was locked from the outside. She turned the knob but it did not turn. She hit the door with her fist, kicked it but it stood there, motionless as if saying — what can a frail girl like you do to me? I am not going to move, so you better stop hurting yourself, if not me.

She shouted for help but tables and chairs and fans and bulbs, were all the audience she got. She was angry at the staff but there would be some other time to be angry. Right now she needed too get out. As it became more late, her anger turned into anxiety and anxiety then became fear. She looked at the empty room and those familiar walls which were always so friendly were laughing now at her misery. She felt like there was no one who was truly hers. Tears began to roll down her eyes.

She was brought back to her senses by the sound of footsteps. There was someone in the corridor. She suddenly saw this ray of hope and started shouting for help. There was a boy on the other side and from what she heard, she understood that he was going to bring some help and she should not worry. Then there was a big metallic sound of a hammer striking the lock and then the door opened. To her surprise, she found William standing there with that hammer and she could easily picturise her knight in shining armor standing there with a sword in his hand, coming to her rescue.

“Can I ask you what you are doing alone in the classroom?”

But before he could get a reply, she ran to him, crying much more loudly now and hugged him. She didn’t say anything standing motionless there but the teardrops continued to run down her red cheeks. He let her stay there for some time and then said – “Please don’t rub your nose on my shirt.”
She smiled and moved away from him. “Thank You.” That was all she said before running off to her house while he stood there.

Those red eyes had the expression of relief, gratitude in them but today, these red eyes were only conveying expressions of shame and hatred for themselves.

Part 2 in a few days.....