A Tribute

He had warned but my ambitions blinded me and I did not care
I did not take it lightly though for me this idea was there
Could anything happen to me, when in that crowd of foes
You, my friend, by my side, stood there.

I always thought that you believed in me
I was convinced by my own thoughts that you would support me
And if you would be there, helping me with everything
I could have made anything work, even when conditions would toughest be

I would not call this betrayal, it will demean you
I still love you because I know this wasn't personal for you
And I know that you still love me, even after all of this
I promise I'll come back to you; the end, though it may seem, is not this

The blood empties out of my veins, 'tis the coming true of my worst fears
My life is not just what I lose, I have lost my dear brother
Tell them not to mourn for me, tell them not to shed tears
Alas! "Et tu, Brute? Then die Caesar"

I have always loved the play Julius Caesar, as a student and even now, when I have grown up. This is my tribute to it. I thought that if Julius Caesar had a few more seconds to live, what would he have said to Brutus. This is what I could think of.  
Warning: This may not be accurate considering historic facts but is rather solely an admirer( of the book and its larger than life characters)'s point of view.
(pic: Morte di Giulio Cesare, 1798 by Vincenzo Camuccini, courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

You and I

Dedicated to Siddhartha Mohapatra aka Moha aka Hoha and Abhinav Bakhla aka Dominic aka (i won't say that)

"In my dreams one night,
I saw you standing by my side
I could not recognize you at first
In those tattered clothes, you looked emaciated
You were not even a shadow of your former self
You used to be a king once and ruled your subject
You made decisions, bold and strong
Just like yourself, they stood firm and tall
Why, then, were you not able to withstand those falls?
How were the adversities able to break you so bad?
You fell on your face in the dust of hopelessness
And then gave up on trying to lift yourself.
How could you get so weak at once?
Why did you lose the hope so sudden?
I worry about you but this too I think
That you didn't lose because of yourself.
Somewhere I was also to be blamed
Maybe I am afraid or it is something I don't yet understand.
But still I'll always have this one question for you,
Why, did  you, my dreams and ambitions leave your control over me?
Why ,did you, my hopes and aspirations let go off me?"

S.R.



This is in reply to http://talesofatwistedmind.blogspot.com/2010/09/hereafter.html

A special note to the persons who inspired me to write this. I am not as brave as you Sid and Abhinav for you have taken a bold step which I am afraid, I don't have strength enough to take.But I will wish and pray that you achieve every success that you've dreamt of. Extremely proud of you buddy. All my best wishes are with you. Go conquer the Everest.

यादों की चादर

यादों की चादर में आज लिपटने का मेरा मन हुआ
उन एहसासों को जिन्हें भूल चुका था
या भूलने की कोशिश कर रहा था
आज उन्हें फिर से महसूस करने का मन हुआ
कुछ जादू सा तो है इसमें कि
हर बार इसे अपने से दूर किसी कोने में फ़ेंक
भूल जाता हूँ इसका वजूद
पर खींच लाती है मुझे हर बार अपने पास
कुछ तो जादू सा है इसमें ख़ास

देखता हूँ बचपन में वो भाई से झगड़ना
चेहरे पर दाग आज भी उसकी याद दिलाते हैं
वो पापा का डांटना और कभी कभी गालों पर चांटे
माँ का नाराज़ होकर बात ना करना, मौन धारण करना
वो पहला एहसास कि किसी का बात न करना,  दूर चले जाना
भी कितना दर्द दे सकता है

इन सब पर कितना गुस्सा आता था तब
और ज़ाहिर भी हो जाती थी सारी भावनाएं मुझसे
आज देखता हूँ खुद को, कितना शांत सभी समझते हैं मुझे
दिखती नहीं है सबको, एक चिंगारी सी है जो जल रही है
इस गुस्से की वजह क्या है, किस से है ये नाराज़गी, मुझे भी पता नहीं
पर कितनी भी कोशिश करूँ, यह ज्वालामुखी तो फूटता ही नहीं

चादर के कुछ टुकड़े देखे जो कटे हुए गिरे थे वहीँ
आश्चर्य हुआ कि मैंने तो ऐसा कुछ किया ही नहीं
सोच में पड़ गया, कोई गलती मेरे से हुई थी क्या कहीं 
जब गौर से देखा तो पाया कि ये तो वो थे
जो बिना बताये, अचानक ही गायब हो गए ज़िन्दगी से
उनके निशान धुंधले पड़ने लगे थे
चादर पर छाप हलकी होने लगी थी
इन टुकड़ों को सहेज कर रखना होगी अब एक कठिन परीक्षा
क्यूंकि इन्हें अब जोड़ना नामुमकिन सा है,
गर खो गए ये मेरे हाथों से कहीं,
ये हो जाएगी ज़िन्दगी भर की सज़ा

अचानक नज़र पड़ी वहां, कुछ जला हुआ सा देखा
एक टीस दिल में उठी, पर चेहरे पर मुस्कराहट थी
भूल तो थी पर इसका कोई पछतावा नहीं है मुझे
वो आग मैंने ही लगायी थी वहां
कुछ हमेशा के लिए मिटाने की चाहत थी
पर खुद को इजाज़त दे नहीं पाया
हाथों को जला कर उन निशानों को मिटने से बचाया
आज वो भी मुझे पागल कहते हैं और देख कर मुस्कुराते हैं
हाथ फिर से ना जल जाये, ये मुझे हमेशा याद दिलाते हैं

चारों ओर बिखरा हुआ पाया जब देखा
कुछ अधूरे ख्वाब, कुछ टूटी ख्वाहिशें
कहीं बिलकुल पास आकर हार जाने का दर्द
कहीं दूर दूर तक मंजिल के भी ना रहने का गम
हर उस हार ने झटका दिया, मुझे कहीं ना कहीं कमज़ोर किया
पर हर बार गिरने पर दुबारा उठने की मेरी तमन्ना ने
कभी हार कर भी मुझे हारने ना दिया

हाथ फेरते हुए अचानक कुछ गर्माहट का एहसास हुआ
चेहरे पर हंसी लौट आई, जैसे ही उनका ख्याल हुआ
उन चेहरों के बारे में सोच कर ही दिल खुशियों से भर उठा
याद आई उनकी तो आँखों में आंसू भी छलक आये
वो स्कूल जिसे हम क्लब कहते थे
जहाँ बचपन बीता और बड़े हुए, समझदार बने
जहाँ कितनी ही शरारतें की, शरारतों की सज़ा भी पाई
झगड़े, मन-मुटाव होते थे पर पल भर में भूल जाते थे
हँसते थे, खिलखिलाते थे, एक दूसरे के साथ मज़ाक करते हुए
पता भी नहीं चला कब ज़िन्दगी ने भी मज़ाक कर दिया
उस एक नदी में साथ बहती सारी नावों को
अलग अलग दिशाओं में मोड़ दिया
वो आखिरी दिन सबसे बिछुड़ जाना
आँखें आज भी नम हो जाती हैं
जब याद आता है वो गुज़रा ज़माना

दिखते है फिर वो जिनके सहारे इस दर्द को कम किया
कुछ के संग दर्द को बांटा
और सभी ने फिर से हँसना सिखा,
उस गम के साथ जीना सिखा दिया
नए थे वो हमारी ज़िन्दगी में कभी
बहुत जल्द उसका हिस्सा बन गए
हँसते, हंसाते, एक दूजे को धीरे धीरे जानते हुए
एक झटके से अचानक ही सब ख़त्म हो गया
पंख पसारे समय भी कितनी जल्दी उड़ गया
मालूम था कि इतने ही वक़्त का होगा हमारा साथ
पर ये लालची मन तो हमेशा ही थोड़ा और चाहता है
कुछ और पलों की हमारी ख्वाहिश को नकारते हुए
फिर से वक़्त ने उसी चौराहे पर हमें लाकर खड़ा कर दिया
जहाँ से सबके कदम मेरे साथ तो ना रहे, और भी दूर होते गए सब
बहुत रोना आया पर वो भी न कर सके
कमबख्त वादा करना महंगा पड़ गया
बिछुड़ने का दर्द तो था पर
अब तो दर्द सहने और गम को भूलने की आदत सी पड़ चुकी थी
तो ऐसा ही सोच अपने दिल को यह मानने को मजबूर कर दिया
कि कुछ भी नहीं बदला, सब कुछ है वही
सारे धागे आज भी जुड़े हैं, बंधन हैं वही
नजदीकियां आज भी हैं; भले पास, अपने साथ हो कोई नहीं

और कदम बढ़ते रहे एक अनजानी मंज़िल की ओर
कोशिशें ज़ारी रहीं उस मुकाम को हासिल करने की
आज एक तट पर ठहरी है ये ज़िन्दगी की नाव
फिर से उतरेगी ये उन लहरों से लड़ने को
क्या पायेगी ये अपना किनारा जिसे हमेशा ढूंढ रही थी
इसका तो किसी को भी पता नहीं
पर मेरी यादों की चादर
कुछ खट्टी, कुछ मीठी यादों के धागों से
कुछ ख़ूबसूरत लम्हों के सुनहरे रंगों से
कुछ बुरे पलों की स्याही से भरी जाएगी
और बुनती हुई बड़ी होती जाएगी

पता नहीं कितनी बार इसे मैं दूर कर दूंगा खुद से
पता नहीं कितनी बार इसमें खुद को लपेटकर
गर्माहट महसूस करूंगा, रिश्तों की, उन यादों की,
जो कितना भी वक़्त बीत जाए, रहेंगे हमेशा वैसे ही........


S.R.

REVENGE -- ALWAYS IS SWEET

“Dude, there never was a race or competition. It was all your imagination. I was the only one running. You could never even come close to me."

“Yeah, you are right. It was never a race. At least you agree on that, you filthy cheat. You bloody well know the foul methods and all your lies you used and lived.”

“Well, don’t they say all’s fair in love and war.”

“You don’t talk about love. You don’t even know what it is. All you’ve done your life is planning and cheating, just to beat me in some fucking race you thought we were a part of. You can’t love anyone. You’re so full of hatred and jealousy.”

“It doesn’t matter what you say. I’ve won. I snatched away your prize right from under your nose and I am gonna make sure you never get her back again.”

“What have you done, you piece of shit. What have you done to her?”

“I didn’t do anything. You did it. Don’t you remember?”

“What did I do? What are you saying? I’m gonna kill you, you psychotic animal.”

“That’s precisely what you did. See, let me narrate what you did since you have a weak memory; you always had. Actually, you were never better than me, not even in school. You always got preferential treatment because you were good at ass kissing. You don’t even know how much I’ve suffered because of you and now you’re gonna pay for it. You’ll suffer for all your life. You’ll rot in prison for murder and that will be my revenge, my vengeance will be complete with you for those years of pain.”

“I am not getting you. Are you trying to scare me by saying all that? You’ve definitely gone insane. Consult a doctor before you turn completely into a psychopath.”

“Oh! Don’t worry about me. I’m completely in my senses. The truth is I’ve never been at so much peace with myself ever before. Today is the day I’ll achieve what I’ve always wanted. Today is the day I finish it all with you. No more race; I’m tired of running. No more. Everything comes to an end today.”

“You need medical attention. You’re losing it. Let me help you.”

“You’ve already helped me so much and you’re going to help me fulfil my only desire left unfulfilled. I’ll destroy you -- that I promise and after that I won’t be needing anything.”

“You’ve gone mad. Do you even know what you’re saying? And where is she? What have you done to her? I promise you the consequences will be bitter for you.”

“I understand what I’m saying. As I said, I’m at peace with myself and my surroundings. You’re the one who seems worried and tense and thus I see you’ve forgotten what you’ve done. So, allow me to remind you.”

He pulled out the cellphone of his alter ego from the pocket. Then he dialled a number. Within seconds, another cellphone started ringing. He picked up the call.

“Firstly, you come on the roof of my house and call me as you want to meet me. You know that I’m not at home. I tell you I’ll be there in half an hour. You look at your watch. Then go down the stairs to her house. Then you knock on her door.”

And he walked away from him, down the stairs and knocked at a door. She opened the door, surprised to see him at that late hour of the day. He walked in and was out of the house in less than two minutes. The smile, on his face was even bigger.

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. I’m not even here. You knock at her door, go in and as she turns to get a glass of water for you, you take out this, take a perfect aim at head and wham. She had to pay for betraying you, for dumping you for the one guy you hated all your life; me. So the score is one down and one to go.”

“That’s my pistol. Where did you get it from?”

“Oh! I told you that you’re no match for me in this race. You’re too slow. Anyway, you don’t need to know how I got it but what I, no, let me correct; what you did with it? It doesn’t have anyone else’s fingerprints except you.”

“You’re dead. You get that. I’m gonna kill you for this.”

“I know,” he said with that cool expression on his face that he had carried all night. “You’ve a very bad habit of interrupting. Now let me complete tonight’s events’ log before you say anything again. Okay, so you come back on the roof, waiting for me to come. I drive my car into the parking, go inside my house to see if you’ve come in by taking the key from the guard or not. I don’t know that you’ve even killed the guard. I go inside my house and I find a total chaos. Everything’s been smashed and broken. I get your call again. You tell me you’re waiting for me on the roof. I smell something’s wrong. I call the police telling them about an attempted robbery at my house. They say they’ll be there in some time. I pickup my baseball bat and reach here to see you with your pistol in your hand, aiming at my head.”

“You’re lying. I didn’t do any of…. Ahh!”

He smashed the baseball bat into his skull, the force just enough to not make any serious damage, just enough to make him unconscious. He then untied the knots on his hands and legs, placing the pistol in his unconscious hands, as if they were about to pull the trigger.

“I told you not to interrupt. When will you ever listen to what I say? Now let me continue, will you? So, then we have a fight. I hit you with the bat. You lose balance and are disoriented. You fire. First shot scrapes my chin. You fire again. This time the shot is accurate. The bullet finds its way through my heart. I lose balance and fall down from the roof – 15^th floor to the ground. I scream, the last sound I make. Rest, you’ll know as it hasn’t yet happened.”

He laughed at the helplessness of the other guy. He did not hate him anymore. He was almost finished with whatever he wanted to achieve. And then made a knot in the rope. He inserted his own hands and legs in them and tightened it enough so that he could move. He came near him and lifted his hand up in which the pistol lay. The sound of two bullet shots invaded the silence of the night and then the shriek of a man. Then there was a loud thud. And then it was silent again.

S.R.